Soul Mates and Selfishness

I’m often asked to give advice to Christian singles. It’s pretty tough for me since I don’t really have experience as a Christian single.  I’ve been a married Christian for the last 35 years of my life! Be that as it may, I will attempt to give guidance to those of you who are dating and single. There is one area that I see as being particularly problematic for single people. It is rampant in the secular world and has infiltrated our Christian culture. This is the idea of “soul mates”.

I know this won’t make me very popular with a lot of people, particularly many of the ladies, but the idea of the perfect “soul mate”—that God made one special person just for you—is the stuff of sweetsy, twenty-five-cent romance novels, and has no footing in Christian thought.

The Myth

“When you grow up,” the wind whispered in the young girl’s ear, “you’ll meet your soul mate—the one with whom you can share your life and experience ecstatic, joyful love.  You will find yourselves entwined as one in conjugal bliss.”

“How will I know who it is?” the little girl questioned.  “How will I find the right one?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” said the wind reassuringly. “Destiny dictates the meeting of our soul mates.  You will meet the one who is right and you will live happily ever after. ”The idea that there is just one special person for me—my soul mate—comes from an alleged altercation between the human race and the Greek god Zeus.  According to Greek mythology, we humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces.  Because Zeus feared that the authority of the gods might be compromised by this race of beings, he decided to split each person in half, condemning us to spend the rest of our lives wandering unrequited until we find the half we were separated from—our lost soul mate. It was thought that our undying pursuit of perfect love is the result of Zeus’s scheme to keep us busy—far away from meddling in the domain of the gods.

According to this account, a person’s soul mate is the one-and-only other half of one’s soul—we would always be less happy with any other person.  Today millions base their hope of marital bliss entirely on the Zeus account.

If this is true, then when a relationship fails, it isn’t that we have done wrong or failed to do what is right, it is that we have not found Mr. or Ms.Right.  Hence, when relational failure comes, the best we mere mortals can do is cut our losses and return to our quest for the one who, once found, will cause us to live happily ever after.

But come on.  Doesn’t the idea that we were once two-faced, four-armed, and four-legged beings that got split by a paranoid Greek god come across as just a little crazy?  And aren’t thoughts founded in a mythical story really just myth?  Yet this idea has been successfully universalized; most people today hold to this view, even the non-Zeus followers.

Mixing Myth and Faith

The view that there is a predestined one-and-only out there for each of us has permeated even the Christian view of courtship and marriage.  We have spiritualized it.  We teach, “God has made one special person just for you.”

Really?

If that is not the epitome of self-centered, narcissistic thinking, I do not know what is.  God did not create another human being just to satisfy your needs or to make you feel complete.

Yet many believers pray for God to lead them to the “right one.” Instead of negotiating through the decision making process of selecting a mate in a down-to-earth, biblical approach.

Those of us in Evangelical circles have even taken this to a whole new level by encouraging parents to start praying for that “one special person” that God has chosen for our child while he or she is still young.  Rather than praying for our children to embrace righteousness, justice, wisdom, sacrifice, goodness, et cetera—all things that would make them wonderful mates to whomever they chose to commit their lives to—we are praying for that “special one” god has already chosen for our child.  Zeus be praised, I guess.

Surprising to many, there is absolutely no biblical evidence to substantiate such behavior.  The Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen.  It teaches us how to live well with the person we have chosen.  And there is a distance of infinitude between those two thoughts.  The first assumes that life, love, romance, and marriage are the result of a couple living by God’s principles—that never fail.  But this version, which places true love and marriage on the footing of human choice and responsibility, just isn’t nearly as romantic or seductive.

Many people of faith bristle when I take this position and ask me, “But what about when Isaac prayed that God would bring the right woman to him at the well?”

First of all, Isaac never prayed such a prayer; it was Abraham’s servant who did.  Abraham shad sent his servant back to his homeland to find a relative for his son, Isaac, to marry.  True, the servant did pray at the well that God would help him find the right girl, but he wasn’t looking for some divine soul mate, he was looking for a relative of Abraham.  In fact, when you read the story in Genesis, the servant does not begin to praise God until he learns that the girl is in fact, one of Abraham’s relatives.

Now, if you are comfortable with one of your dad’s employees searching for a cousin for you to marry, I guess it would be appropriate for you to pray that God will lead him to the “right one.”  But beyond that, the Bible is clear that marriage is your decision—not the result of divine edict.  In point of fact, I can find only two places in the Bible where God ever told someone to marry a particular person.

One is when God spoke to Joseph to take Mary as his wife.  Joseph wanted to abandon her when he learned she was pregnant, knowing he wasn’t the father.  But God revealed to him that her pregnancy was by the Holy Spirit—obviously, an unusual situation.  But even in this case, Joseph had previously chosen Mary.

The only other time God told someone to marry a particular person is when God told the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute. (And I will concede that if you are considering marriage to a prostitute, you probably should have a divine revelation before doing so.)  But even then, God did not tell him which prostitute to marry.  It was still up to Hosea!

Though it is not supported in Scripture, there is something about the soul mate blather that is a siren song to the human soul.  We want to believe it –it is so…romantic.  And with this longing deeply embedded in our psyche, we inadvertently impress these thoughts onto the Bible as we read it.  Sad to say, but the sacred Scriptures, which have brought unspeakable comfort and a blessing to countless mortals, have also been used over and over to justify numerous untenable positions.

I’m suggesting that the problem is that we don’t understand the dynamics of true love.  We think we do.  Our songs, movies, romantic novels, and TV shows all echo the belief that true love will always appear when we meet the right person, our destined soul mate. And this love will hit us hard out of the blue—an idea charged with mystery and romance.  So the search for romantic love continues to occupy the minds of people, even those who are married!  The result.  High divorce rates and a plummeting marital happiness index.

The truth is a successful marriage is not the result of marrying the “right” person, feeling the “right” emotions, thinking the “right” thoughts, or even praying the “right” prayers.  It’s about doing the “right” things—period.

Why doesn’t God have a special person just for you?  Because He knows that His principles of love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness work, and they work all the time, every time—no matter to whom you are married.  That is why the apostle Paul never told us to find that “special someone,” but rather to make sure we find someone who truly believes and lives by the principles of love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness.  He referred to such a person as a “believer.”

Even though I don’t think there is such a thing as a soul mate, I’m not saying the dating process shouldn’t involve a hunt to find a special someone—someone compatible with you, someone with whom you have made a connection.  If you are single, I think you should expect that, even strive to find a person with whom you can share feelings of deep affinity, friendship, sexual attraction, and compatibility.  That being said, I think finding someone to journey with in marriage is the slenderest part of life-long relational journey.  A great marriage is mostly about two people committing to each other and then employing principles such as love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and unselfishness, to enrich that committed relationship.  Marriage is more about work than about divine luck, more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your own laundry list of personal needs.

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55 Responses to “Soul Mates and Selfishness”

  1. Brittany Cook says:

    I loved your conference at our church at Hope Chapel Hawaii, I am your facebook follower, and enjoy reading your posts on your site. You are not just funny but very biblical and insightful. Thank you for all of your thoughts being shared with us, it is a great experience to learn from you!

  2. Keri says:

    I don’t beleive there is one “soul mate”. My husband and i are going on 4yrs. of marriage. We both were married for 15yrs. before divorcing. I also don’t beleive in “love at first sight”
    either. I think a person can become attracted to another, by their person not their exterior shell. I found that getting to know my husband before we began dating was the best way to develope a strong and healthy relationship when we did decide to become more than just friends. We developed a bond by discussing our feelings about betrayel and both are very honest people and are honest with each other and have gotten over many obsticles in our marriage with the combinding of our two families and continue with many more, but we are strong and can tackle anything together because we love and respect each other.

  3. Bob Francis says:

    agree nearly fully although a non-specific (any man for any woman) men made for women and women made for men is exampled with Adam & Eve and fantasies and self perspectives materialize it into the KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR and the LITTLE WOMAN AT OUR SIDE. I’ll read more.

      • Bob says:

        Sorry Rhonda,
        I’m not so teckie and just realized you had replied to my comment.
        IICor. 6:14-16 tells us to not be unequally yoked, so we our open to marry any Christian. But in Gen 2:20 the Word speaks about woman for man being equivalent. Out of this numerous selection, we have to make a wise choice in our walk with God on how we match up. The choiceshould not be through our personal perspectives that are more sef-focus but by the Word. The man will make the marriage if he will give up his life for Christ sake.

        • rhonda says:

          Sorry Bob, but I still don’t understand your explanation. I understand the verses, but don’t see your tie in w/what Mark says or w/your first comment

  4. Josh says:

    One important point to add to this is AFTER you get married, that person becomes the SPECIAL PERSON that you are to love, accept, give, and forgive. And if you are a man, you are to continue to lead her by being led by Christ and following His teachings and principles.

    • Melchi says:

      I really do agree with your post, Josh. If only a married couple could manage to set up the foundation of their relationship in Jesus Christ, no relationship will be ruined. The saddest part is that some people did not realize how painful it is for the children when their parents were separated. We all must be aware that children and divorce are somewhat linked to each other in some cases.

  5. Layne says:

    Good Post! I agree with you -but at the same time disagree… I agree that God does not create just ONE person for us in the whole world! If that were even remotely true there would not be affairs. I am a happily married 26yr old woman – I love my husband, however there are other men that I click with – I have to be careful in my dealings with them. Even if they don’t realize that we have a connection, I do. I believe it’s the vows that we make when we get married that we “romanticize”. This one person forever… Etc. The part I disagree with you on is, while God may not create ONE person to fit all our needs… I believe specific prayers get specific answers. I prayed for my husband. His looks, his talents, a heart after God, even down to my in-laws. I did not pray “God give me that guy right there” but I did pray for what I wanted and I got it! So I suppose it depends on how you look at it. I’ve recently found your blog and I love it! I may not agree with everything but you are very insightful. God Bless.

  6. Kinga says:

    I think people who do not obey and trust God, need to have a reason to stay together longer (for life?). So they need this soulmate thing. But those who know they should keep their promise before God, do not need.

  7. Julia Rios says:

    Hi Mark,
    Actually, I had never even heard of you until today (!). My sister called me and told me to turn the channel to your show. She said you are Puerto Rican, is that true? My husband is,(he’s adorable).
    Anyway, I turned on the TV and what did you say? That you once lived in Decatur, the armpit of Illinois!. Guess, where we live. DECATUR!!!
    Well, this is just too weird. Enjoyed your program, though.
    Glad we learned about you!

  8. Clara says:

    Mark, i’ve been dating the same person for close to two years and he keeps saying he isn’t ready to get married. he swears it’s nothing to do with me but he just isn’t ready. Should i wait or move on??? Clara

    • Victoria says:

      Clara,
      You are in a very tough situation. Are you ready to get married? If so, are you willing to be married to someone other than Mark? Do not get married just to get married. Go through and read the rest of the blogs on this site if you haven’t yet. Just remember, the things you do in a relationship before marriage (whether it be partying, unfaithfulness, reckless spending) will be carried and continued in the marriage. Did Mark tell you why he’s not ready to be married? Good luck to you and I wish you all the best luck.

  9. Kelley Bard says:

    Great article! I was married before I became a believer, so God taught me (and continues to teach me) how to love… to respect, to be honest, to be kind, long-suffering, etc. My first husband, though, chose to leave after 27 years. He lost faith in God, and then no longer saw the need for Christian behavior. Enough said… other than to say that God has redeemed and worked all things together for my good! I am now married to a man that is easy to love, easy to respect, and seeks the Lord in every area of his life! Of course, being thirty years into practicing Christian principles has been a big help for me as a wife!!

  10. Carri Taylor says:

    TERRIFIC! My husband and I teach remarriage preparation (very different from the first-time around). Also, how to have a successful stepfamily (we are a stepcouple of over 25 years now). We totally agree that God will work with whomever we choose to sign up for. And…that He has given us a brain to think things through. Thanks!

  11. Sue Richardson says:

    I love your ministry Mark! After 24 years of mostly unhappy marriage, going through all the traditional church marriage classes, counseling and divorce threats…you have brought new understanding to our marriage through your seminars on DVD. You can see from my blog that we learned how to laugh at our differences through you. we tell everyone about you and would love to be a part of your ministry somehow. By it’s too cold to move back to the North (are you crazy??) so I guess that won’t happen. Thanks again for saving this marriage. Dave and Sue

  12. Lori Harris says:

    Bravo! Not only is finding the perfect “soul mate” narssistic, it’s selfish. What if the perfect mate doesn’t even want to serve the Lord, etc. You’re absolutely right–society portrays this to us from the Pre-K stage of fairy tales! Disney perpetuates it and our teens years with girfriends are spent talking about what Mr. Right will be like! If we woman spent as much time learning godly principles as we do looking and searching for our “soul mate”, we’d all be walking with Jesus!

  13. It's not about sex says:

    Thanks for telling the real truth about soul mates. I believe “sole mate” became popular on our daytime soap opera’s. Many young girls are misinformed. A very young woman at my husbands work was looking for her “soul mate”. They managed to strike up a particular friendship. She made my husband feel like the night in shining armor who rescued her from a destructive relationship. Because of his kindness she fell in love with my husband and released the lie “we are true sole mates”. My husband of 25 years believed the lie and had an affair with this woman who was 30yrs younger. My husband was the adult in this situation he knew better. He even tried to convince me that I was no longer the right one and he has found his true sole mate. The devil had him convinced that she was “the one”. As lie unfolded, the girl became pregnant, divorce became final and the lives of our six children were forever changed. That was seven years ago and we have all moved on. A year ago my ex told me he regrets the decision he made every day of his life.

  14. Lesley Matthews says:

    Hi Mark’

    Thanks for that truth Mark. How important is that information when it comes to accepting responsibility for our relationships. It is our responsibility to be a loving, sharing, forgiving and godly person and to make good choices before and after marriage. It is our responsibility to put in the necessary work to maintain our relationships and not to have unrealist expectations that there will be no rough spots believing that our partner (if he is our true soul-mate) will not present any difficult challenges. We cannot take the easy way out and abandon ship to go on searching for the true ONE, with whom all will be bliss.

    Thanks for giving the background (steeped in pagan mythology) to the destructive concept of “soul-mate.” I very much appreciate it and will pass it on to friends and family who will benefit from that information too.

    Lesley (Roma, Australia)

  15. Arthur Baca says:

    Thank you, Mark
    I’ve realy enjoyed your advice and teachings. And I take them to heart. Although I’m not married, A lot of the principles you teach, I use in the relationships I have in everyday life. It really helps each and life in general go smoother.
    Thank you
    Arthur Baca

  16. Gloria says:

    I totally agree with what you are saying concerning “Soul Mates & Selfishness.” I had a wrong misconception as well, but after reading your article, it’s make true biblical sense, for God says, “it’s the man that findeth a wife.” (paraphrase)

    I am believing when he (whomever) crosses my path, and I have found favor in his sight…..we develop a friendship, and find that we are compatible in every area (financially, physically, socially, emotionally, but most of all spiritually) and enjoys one another’s company….we are then ready to take it to the next level….committing our lives to one another and for the glory of God!

    THANKS! :-) ) Please write back if my preception is wrong.

  17. Carol says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more on this subject. This question was posed to my husband and I in our premarital counseling. Our pastor asked us if we believed we were the only one for each other? We both said, no. He said good answer and proceeded to tell us why. The why’s were pretty much what you stated in this article. We’ve been married for 25 terrific years! I am forwarding this to my 21 year old daughter who is looking for “the right kind of guy.” Not the right guy. Thanks Mark.

  18. Ivy says:

    I found that your comments on finding a “soul mate” made a lot of sense. I have never thought of the origins of the term before but thought that it was a good notion.

    I agree though that living by bible principals of love, acceptance and forgiveness has no substitute. “love covers a multitude of sins” “love never fails” and “three cords cannot easily be broken”.

    Christ should be at the centre of every committed relationship. Our commitment is first to Jesus and by living out Christian principals our relationships are made richer.

    May I commend you on such a thought provoking, pratical message.

    Ivy

  19. Angie says:

    Mark.,your article is great and it has gave much idea on what really bothered me for a long period of time. Am not yet married but i really want to have that special person in my life, i was wondering and it also made me feel sad at tymsi i asked my self how do i have to pray to meet this special soulmate of my life, as i have involved myself in quiet a number of relationships and when they ended up i conclude this is not the person God made for but suprisingly i found it is the matter of working things right,i have many things thta i needed your advice but yet this article has paved a better way for me

  20. Megan says:

    Glad to see someone tackling the soulmate issue from a Biblical perspective.

    I once had a non-believer friend put it best…”Yes I believe in soulmates…I met mine…that doesn’t mean we needed to be together.”

    That says it all to me. Relationships aren’t a 100% emotional world.

  21. Mary says:

    excellent article – -

    and I think marriage is more about BEING the right person, than FINDING the right person – -

    and you are right – - marriage IS work – - but then, so are most worthwhile projects!

    my grandmother used to say
    “Everyone has 10 faults – find 10 you can live with!”

    (in other words, if you do not want to MARRY a “bad” match, then don’t DATE one!)

  22. riante says:

    Hi Mark, what’s your thoughts on prophecy regarding the person God has for you. I believe God has said certain things about my marriage one day, through prophecy by another person. I do believe as well that like you said marriage has a lot to do with choice and I don’t believe that there is “the one” however I do believe there is someone that will compliment one’s calling and that is the person that one should marry; the one who helps in your calling and adds value to the work you do here on earth towards making the Father proud… What’s your thoughts??

  23. AJ says:

    I “tapped out” of dating for about 5yrs…I needed a break from the calamity. I will share briefly that is was the most peaceful time I’ve ever had in my life. I think I may write a book about what I learned and the experience…I’m just crazy enough to think someone may publish it. That being said during my time of peaceful bliss I often prayed for God to protect me from myself in regards to relationships. When I did talk to God about a relationship I would ask for it to be the right time, the right situation, the right person and for God to prepare the hearts and minds of those who would be involved and affected by the relationship. I have to tell you If He isn’t interested in that type of prayer than I’m totally lost. I do enjoy and agree with your “take” on most things. I’ve never looked for a soul mate but was believing for God to arrange some kind of good match. I’m totally perplexed now.

    • Cyndi says:

      AJ,
      I believe that God still has divine timing…and he still cares about our everyday lives and that your prayer is different than praying for a “soul-mate” per say. I also believe that God puts people in our lives on purpose, whether they come or go, or for just a season. Don’t give up praying that God will continue to lead you to and/or put the right person in your path to whom you should be in a relationship. I don’t see how you can go wrong (ever) with seeking and asking God for His advise…. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

  24. TC says:

    Wow Mark – you accurately communicate the simplicity that is in Christ! No, most believers will not accept this message. But these same folks embrace that the love of God is unconditional too.
    I’ve been blessed and reproved. Thanks so much. I only wish my husband, who is so set on divorcing, would wake up and smell the coffee (and then drink the cup).

    Agape, Bro and blessed Resurrection Day!

  25. Andie says:

    I agree there is not a soul mate out there. However, I disagree with praying for your child’s mate. I don’t think that has any thing to do with a soul mate persay, I think that is good parenting. As Christian parents we want our children to choose a godly man or woman so why wouldn’t we pray for their mate. It makes no sense not too. I believe it has to do with wanting our child to be in touch with God’s spirit and know what is right for him/her as they date and make that choice. Marriage is for life, and I know that I wanted my daughters to make right choices in this area.

  26. Sue says:

    “The Bible never tells us to find the one God has chosen.”
    When I read this I immediately thought, doesn’t God want us chasing after Jesus, His Chosen One? If we find Jesus, we become like Jesus. Becoming like Jesus makes us the best spouse. Being the best spouse is the best way to FIND the best spouse.

  27. Maria Christobel A. Duag says:

    I agree that there is no such thing as “soulmate” in the realm of CHRISTian relationship…I rather believe that all things work together for good and that marriage has to do with choice and free will.I have read the 2.Cor.6:14 and believe it should be applied to marriage…It requires a lot of work indeed but work that is free flowing from GOD’s grace…

    I believe in a Sovereign GOD with a perfect will and all knowing knowledge to know the the best person for you to be with, with due respect to your free will…
    Thanks for the post =) GOD bless

  28. Ciulisoe says:

    Thanks. I was just telling my girlfriend about that the other day. This is a confirmation for me. Thanks again.

  29. Tisha says:

    I just read the piece on “Soul Mates” – I never really used that term but I did feel as if God had one person created just for me. Now after 11 years of marriage I have been given new insight. I think of how silly that thought was..A person created for me..not for God’s Glory, but for me. Both my husband and I were created for God’s Glory and I think that is why we continue to be successful in our marriage. It is work, especially when you realize that you are both two imperfect people becoming one and striving to please God. We get comments all the time from outsiders and close friends on what a great couple we are, but truly that Glory belongs to God. It has taken much prayer and much forgiveness to get us to this point. But I can truly say that I appreciate the Lord and His wisdom that we continue to seek. I feel as if we have been both let off of the hook by realizing that we both made a choice to choose each other. That choice was based on wisdom and biblical principles. We were both looking for someone who was not selfish, who loved the Lord with all his/heart, who was attractive (of course), smart, and not a criminal (smile). God Blessed us in that area. Now we can return the favor by working hard and following Him in order to stay together many more years.

  30. D.S. says:

    Praise God! Absolutely THE BEST Biblical dissertation regarding this foolish “soul-mate” nonsense!!! I am single and my prayer is: “Heavenly Father, please by your Spirit and grace, strengthen me to be the Godly, God-fearing woman,God-loving, people-loving virtuous woman that YOU created me to be. A woman who will always bring YOU honor and glory. A woman who will respect, praise, honor, edify, encourage, forgive, support and help the God-fearing, God-loving, people-loving Christian man You have given me the wisdom to choose as my husband! In My Lord Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!”

  31. Lorin says:

    Hi Mark,

    Wonderful article, but I take one small exception. My late wife prayed for my son’s future wife and my daughter’s future husband (neither are married yet) from the time they were born and I have recently realized that in her absence I should be doing the same now. I do not pray that God will guide them to their “soul mates,” but rather, my perspective is that although I do not yet know them, our omniscient God sees ahead and already knows who the future spouses are and what they need. I simply pray for their preparation for marriage– their spiritual growth and maturity. So I pray for them knowing nothing more than that they will marry our children, but that’s quite a lot, in my book.

    In His Love,
    Lorin

  32. Michelle says:

    Thank you Mark for this wonderful plainly put article about “soul mates” wow if only i knew this a few years ago i probably would never have divorced my husband and would never have wasted so much time “looking” and would never had hurt so many people,but God had a plan for my life and i am ever so grateful for his Grace and Mercy on my mortal soul. I so love your emails and workshops of which i have attended one in Cape Town at the Bay church, i came to this realization that it is a choice we make to love a person for who they are and in so doing we are eternally happy and content with ourselves, God has blessed me with a wonderful friend, husband and lover, i now know that the mind switch to commit to a compatible companion with the attitude of serving him and respecting him will bring the love and happiness i have always searched for. Thank you for your heart to helping marriages blossom!

  33. Malisa DeOchoa says:

    Thank you for this article. I completely agree and intend to share it with my dad and others who clearly NEED this truth. –Malisa

  34. wanjirukihusa says:

    Your insights on marriage are amazing-candid and helpful. I got married recently and I’m glad I watched the marriage seminar videos before I did..I’ve done the flag page too (its phenomenal!)
    I have even shared some of the things I’ve learnt on my blog :-)
    Are you coming to Kenya soon????

  35. Danie says:

    Honestly, I think you’re being irreverent.

    But before anyone hates on this comment or anything, I’d like to explain:
    Love is not marriage. Loving someone is more than marriage could ever mean. Second, soulmates doesn’t mean love at first sight or passionate love. Soulmate means the person who understands you, they’re the person who sees every fault and accept you either way. I guess you can say this is selfish, but remember that God loves us and he wants nothing more than for us to be happy. So yes, I think it’s very possible that soulmates exist. We all know that one elderly couple that acts incredibly adorable? Isn’t that love, being able to stay with someone for so long because you absolutely adore them? I’ve been with the same person for 15 years and there is no doubt in my mind what he’s my soulmate. I can’t possibly explain what I feel, if not divine.

    Because love is the most divine thing we know.

  36. Glenn Robertson says:

    I would just like to take this opportunity to highlight yet another view on the whole “soulmate” debate.

    As a Christian and growing up I can honestly say that I believed entirely in this idea that there was somebody who was your ultimate God-given destiny to be with. A soulmate, if you will.

    However, having been married to somebody that I truly believed was my soulmate, and then having had her return to her former husband and divorce me, now I am at odds. She helped my belief so totally and completely in this idea that I thought that we were the most unstoppable couple on earth, that nothing could ever or would ever tear us apart. She even gave me a special banner declaring that I was her “soulmate.”

    The shock of what was coming six years into our marriage so completely twisted everything in my life that I held sacred. I still cannot comprehend to this day how anybody could ever do something to somebody so deceitful and evil. Someone you completely trusted.

    Let me tell you, I could not agree with you more on your take on “soulmates” after the experience of what I went through after my wife left me, but I have this to add:

    I believe that NOBODY is your SOULMATE. As a Christian, I do not think that you can subscribe to this view. This is because a soulmate, surely by definition, has to be a mate, or if you prefer, a friend of your soul, right?

    Since my wife does NOT have the power to save my soul from an eternity burning in hell, therefore I can not call her my “soulmate.” I NEVER could. The only one with the power to save your soul from hell is Jesus, therefore he is the only one that could ever earn the title of “soulmate” or if you like, “THE ONLY ONE!”

    No, TRUE LOVE is what God brings across our paths. God is both a
    God of this kind of unconditional love, as well as being your one and only “soulmate.”

    Thank you God for looking after me……

  37. Jenna says:

    I have a question or two for you. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 19. We have been together for 3 years now. Our relationship is centered around Christ and we have been planning to get married for years now. He is in college pursuing a medical degree, I am in college pursuing a pastoral counseling degree. I will be graduating in Fall of 2014. He graduates much later. As I have been thinking about marriage more and more, I am struggling with understanding why we are postponing marriage if we plan to marry anyway. I have talked with both of my parents (and with my boyfriend) and I have been doing research on this topic much lately. I understand that we will have a financial burden no matter what point we enter into marriage, whether it’s tomorrow or 7 years from now when he graduates med school. I understand that there will always be obstacles to overcome and that it won’t be this “honeymoon” stage forever, but I also know that this is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He has constantly pointed me to Christ and I have been the same for him. I don’t think we will marry in the next year, but I just wanted to get some feedback from you if you have the time. Thank you so much!

    • Sam says:

      My parents best friends have been together since 7th grade :) If you truly love each other, rely on each other and on God, you can make it through anything

  38. Sam says:

    That’s why it’s a myth. You know, greek MYTHOLOGY. It’s just a story, there’s no reason to get upset about it or to feel Christianity is in any way threatened by it.

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