Mark is doing the show live from Colorado this morning! The two start the show with a new study from Medical News Today, Raising Kids Makes Married People Happier.
A man e-mails about his Flag Page and the trouble he and his wife are having. Someone e-mail with a question regarding, Brenda Emperor of the Universe. Mark and Debbie tackle an e-mail from a woman stricken with guilt for falling into temptation before marriage.
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Mark, I like the way you handled that last letter (from the woman who was struggling to get over her guilt about having sex before marriage). You gave us all a lot to think about.
I would like to add an additional perspective that might shed light on the letter writer’s struggles, as well as serve as a warning to people who are dating now. Like the letter writer, I can say that my husband was my first — first serious dating relationship, first love, first kiss, first everything. Although we were both believers, and I had made it clear that I wanted to remain pure until our wedding day, he constantly pushed the boundaries in our physical relationship when we were dating. The pressure only increased after we were engaged. I wasn’t always successful in resisting his advances, however. We dated for six months and were engaged for six months, and by the day of our wedding, we had done “everything but” vaginal intercourse. I tried to tell myself we really weren’t fornicating, but I was just lying to myself.
During the first couple of years of our marriage, I was disgusted with myself for not exerting more self-control when we were dating and engaged. I also felt a great deal of resentment toward my husband that he did not exercise more self-control himself and that he hadn’t respected and protected my boundaries. Although I was eventually able to accept God’s forgiveness and grace toward me, forgive my husband and seek his forgiveness as well, this guilt and resentment marred what should have been a very exciting period of our marriage.
So, I would challenge the letter writer to examine her heart to see if there is any resentment toward her husband lingering there, to confess it and seek his forgiveness. I would also counsel her husband to seek her forgiveness for not respecting her values.
To all the Christian couples “out there” who are dating and engaged (especially the men) I would warn them not to pressure the person they are dating to go against their consciences and the boundaries that God has designed. When you pressure the other person to do this, you are actually training him or her to resist your advances! I speak from experience when I say that, after six months to a year of resisting your advances, it won’t be easy for your spouse all of a sudden to stop resisting you and to welcome your sexual advances just because you’ve said “I do.”
To the ones (mostly women) who are being pressured to go against their personal convictions and the boundaries God has designed, I would caution you to think twice before marrying a person who would so disrespect your values, trample on your conscience, and encourage you to sin. Do you think this person will suddenly respect, support and protect your boundaries and values once you are married? Unfortunately, I can say from experience, probably not.