How much privacy should parents allow their kids on Facebook? Mark answers emails about miscarriage and the Moonies. Then he and Ross go off on a guy who wants to be the one walking down the aisle on their wedding day! A mom wonders if she should teach her young daughters about masturbating so they don’t feel badly about doing it.
PLEASE do not minimalize the affects of a miscarriage. No it wasn’t a full grown child but in my heart she was my child and just like my other children she has a place still in my heart. This miscarriage almost destroyed my marriage!!! We had three healthy children when I lost our little girl at 4months along. Afterwards I went into a deep depression, I checked out of life temporarily. You are absolutely correct that people in the church don’t know how to respond. I/we were the ones who opened up our church a little bit. My husband and I sat in the front row the first Sunday afterwards and we CRIED as we worshipped the Lord. As children’s ministry leaders people were watching and we just made it clear we were hurting and needed prayers and hugs! But, in time we’d be fine. But, I just had a hard time and I was a strong Christian, still am. Please give grace to those who don’t handle death as well as you. Yes, I agree those who 3, 4, 5, 6 years later are in deep grief probably need counseling. But grief/healthy grief can take 6 months to a year! I lost my mother 1 year after losing my father and 1 year after getting married, talk about rough!!! I had also checked out temporarily when that happened but God was faithful in using others to love me back to life. People need to grieve when life is lost whether that baby is inside or outside our body it was/is and always will be in our hearts!!! I have 5 children, four here and one angel in heaven hanging out with my parents waiting for the rest of us!!!
As someone who has lost a child in this fashion, it is extremely painful – if you in fact view the loss as being of a child. For those who view pregnancy as nothing more that growing tissues that somehow mystically, magically turns into a person at month 8 or 9 of pregnancy, then no, miscarriage will not mean anything.
But…when you view life as beginning at conception, when you daily pray over this little person growing within you, asking God to protect, nurture, and nourish him or her, and when you are already dreaming of what life will be like with this addition to your family – to have those hopes and dreams punctured by the loss of life can be very devastating.
Anyway…the above linked article has a wonderful list of things that are generally going to be well-received and of equal, if not greater, importance of things to NOT say.
Thanks Jessica, I want to go and look at that article. This is one area the church MUST do better at helping people deal with!! Your response was well spoken!