‘Idealizing’ Your Spouse Makes an Ideal Marriage according to the article that Mark and Diane start the show with. He also answers emails from a wife whose husband moved out, a young woman who doesn’t know how to keep her boyfriend now that she stopped giving him sex, and a couple wondering what is okay in the marital bed. Mark kind of unleashes on a lady who wants her husband to obey her and he gives advice to a wife who is married to a super-perfectionist man.
I am responding to your comments on”obedience” in today’s show. I felt you were very disrespectful to the woman who wrote in,and jumped to the conclusion that all she wanted to know was how to manipulate her husband to obey. There are women who want to know why their husbands don’t RESPOND to them when they ask for their help. The goal is not obedience, but some indication they have been heard and help is coming. “These women” as you call them have a sincere desire to serve God and their husbands in the home and do what they do out of love. They are met with irritation and excuses and they wonder what is wrong with them that their husband wouldn’t want to help her or at least acknowledge that he has heard her. I have counseled women for over thirty years and they have attended every seminar out there on the subject trying to make their marriages better and understand their mate. And yes, some are selfiish manipulators who just want obedience. But there are many women who have a sincere heart to know why after all they have tried, and believe me, they have tried, nothing changes.I don’t feel you acknowledge that “these women” are even out there. I guess we women just don’t understand why if the same man is asked for help by a guy, he is out the door before the wife finished giving him the phone message. Do we want control and obedience? Not most of us. We are looking for some answers to help us understand better. Are we over-romantic or spiritualize too much? Maybe. I guess when we read that God expects that a man should love his wife like He loved the church, sacrificially, out of love, that a man who claimed to be a Christian would strive for that goal-whether we were wearing lingere at the time or not. I am so grateful that Jesus did not need a book written on motivation before He would go to the cross. He went out of a heart full of love and in obedience to God. God has put in a woman’s heart a holy desire to be loved like that and He has commanded men to love her like He loved the church. I don’t think women need apologize for this need or be made to feel like she wants too much, nor have her motives judged when she has the courage to speak up. Perhaps we should spend less time focusing on the differences between men and women and focus again on what Christ asks of us all-to be servants to one another, motivated by a heart filled with His love, not by what we might get out of it.
Mrs. T says:
To the woman with the above comment: You may or may not be aware of Mark’s DVD’s and Seminars on Marriage, but he doesn’t let the men off the hook either. I agree with Mark that for a woman who is looking for an answer to get her husband to do something and be excused of “nagging” in order for him to do it, she is in face usurping her husbands place in their marriage, thereby undermining what the Bible teaches on marriage, and the husband and wife’s responsibility within marriage. I don’t believe Mark is berrating the women who are looking for a way to communicate better and find their voice with their husbands. If you havnen’t already you should review “Love, Marriage, and Stinking Thinking” for more clarification.
My main point in leaving a comment however, was to express support in Mark’s view that “Anal” sex is a sin, as it is considered “Sodomy” and viewed as an “abomination” in the Bible in numerous different areas. Outside of that, I believe there are certain liberties that the marriage bed may enter into with agreed consent (obviously there are exceptions), as the Bible teaches that the “marriage bed is undefiled.” However, I would issue a strong warning to people who believe they can use that verse to bring whatever and whoever into their “marriage bed” as God does forbid certain acts, which allows us to assume that a man or women can by their own right defile the “marriage bed” and themselves for that matter!
As a man, I have always appreciated it when Mark slams us men (and I have felt the sting numerous times since I started listening) for being stupid. And when we refuse to act like men, we men actually receive rebuke from other men. We may not like it, but in the end, we end up getting ourselves in line. This is why the military command structure is like it is (even though there are plenty of women who serve excellently in the military). Mark has never shied away from telling men that they are pigs (when we are) and that we should do the right thing despite what our feelings tell us. And the majority of his radio show has been dedicated to protecting women from bad men and incorrect and distorted biblical teaching. As a matter of fact, the bulk of his shows have appeared rather imbalanced (I know they are not) in favor of women.
So, I do not understand how the “Marsha” (first poster) can say that Mark was “disrespectful” to the woman who wrote in about her husband not “obeying” her (even if she didn’t use that word). I think the majority of the women who listen to Mark celebrate when he gives us men the what-for (and we deserve it), but many of them (not the strong-confident, Godly women, mind you) don’t like it when their stupidity and arrogance are held up to them. I have always maintained that while the church has often taken the “submit to your husbands” mantra to the extremes the Bible never intended, many women refuse to acknowledge that they are Scripturally bound to obey their husbands. Many “Christian” women love to throw the Bible in their husband’s faces…but they surely don’t mind ignoring it when it applies to them. As a man, I should love my wife as Christ loves the Church…that’s a command. As a woman, you’re supposed to obey your husbands. That’s also a command. I don’t think either one of us are allowed to ignore those commands. Not if we call ourselves Christians.
Mark, after listening for 2 years, I say, it’s about time you hit on this one. I am glad you did. Of course, I still need my spiritual spankings, so keep those up, too.